i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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