Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
