I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
