I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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