I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
