I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
