your parents love me but you hate me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
