Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
barbara walters just said penis...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
