So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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