right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
