I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
