i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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