It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
