need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
