I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
