did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
