i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
