i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
