Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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