She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
