As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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