We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
