my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
