Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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