Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
