It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
