you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm passing your future prison.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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