I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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