bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
