So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
