I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Boobs speak an international language.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
