The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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