Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
not ubering you a puppy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
