So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
