oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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