i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
