Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
