I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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