wrigley field is MILF paradise
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
