I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
