I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
