so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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