How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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