Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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