I faked an abortion last night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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