no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
