Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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