Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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