she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
