You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
