So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
