meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
